Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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