Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
