You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
