ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
