brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
not ubering you a puppy
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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