Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
