ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Two words: blizzard sex
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
