If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
