Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
