The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
