A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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