she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
