Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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