just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize