What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
