finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
