i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
