so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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