Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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