I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
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Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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