Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
