I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
