you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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