I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
