If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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