C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
