Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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