Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
