i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
