Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
