My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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