I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
