No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
