i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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