she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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