I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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