Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
