I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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