dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
