Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So squirting runs in the family.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Randomize
