No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
