I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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