So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
