Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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