Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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