It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
