My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
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i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
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My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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