Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
