whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
