i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
