Little spoons don't ask big questions
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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