I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Randomize
