Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
