he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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