i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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