I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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