Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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