I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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