M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
