So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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