I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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