the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
