I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
