Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
