His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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