the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
