he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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