I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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