A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
